And then it all began....

Until the day I die, I will forever remember the day that I walked into the medical classification center. The start of my prison sentence. The indoctrination into a totally new way of living. I had been told by the women in county jail that the medical classification stay would be the most difficult. They said that after that it would be a breeze. Kiddy Kamp was to be in my future. I just had to get through the MCC. I arrived in orange with hand cuffs, waist chain and ankle shackles. I had been reduced to a number. I had been transported in the back of a tiny transport truck, crammed into a tiny compartment with three other women. The back of the truck was filled with men being sent to prison. The men kept yelling trying to be heard and to flirt with us. It was a very cold, cramped and and frightening ride. The two and half hour ride was one filled with fear and trepidation. It was also relief at getting out of county jail and starting on the next part of my "journey." I had just spent 63 days in county and was very ready to get to prison and get the time going. 

After briefly being processed in and changing my orange scrubs for black and white striped ones, I was led to my unit. 

OMG....the minute you step through the doors, it hits you. This is prison. This is my life. This is not just a bad dream. This is real. I am in Prison. Prison with a fucking capital P. The unit looked seriously like something out of a 1950's prison movie. I kid you not. A large, two tiered gray square with multiple cells with steel doors. The common area had a few steel tables and chair for eating meals and "rec" time. But, the overwhelming impression was of "Gray." The entire area was lighted by a few dirty, dusty windows set high up on the walls near the ceiling. The light that filtered in showed all of the dirt and dust that wafted through the air. Every where you looked it was gray. As I stood in the doorway, with the steel door clanging shut behind me, I felt an acute shock of terror run through my body. I swear I could hear the voices and smell the fear of the women who had been there before me. At that moment, I thought I would never survive a day in prison let alone years. I have never felt more alone in my life. I have never felt such shame and remorse that my own actions had put me there.

Just FYI

Please keep in mind that I am only able to get on the internet when I am on furlough or on a pass. My husband brings me the laptop so that I can post. I am posting many events from memory and new ones as they occur. Unfortunately, that mean that many of the entries will be out of sequence. Also, I may write many entries in one day. It may take me quite awhile to be able to write about the events that sent me to prison. I am still living the nightmare that is my life. Some days it is too painful to think of what was then.